Risks.

Meeting new people... showing vulnerability... falling in love... saying "those" words... getting married... having babies... Seems like these are the things in life I've most looked forward to, and yet feared the most as well. All of these are huge risks, ones that people take because they think, that at the end of the day, the risk is worth it.

I have taken all those risks. I met someone a few years ago who I immediately had a connection with and immediately opened up my heart for. I fell in love quickly and had no trouble telling him. We ran away and got married and then struggled through almost a year of distance... all because we both felt like it was worth it.

And now I'm having a baby. I'm 21 weeks along, over halfway! I'm scared and nervous and so excited... getting pregnant was a huge risk. But it is worth it.

I have no idea what's going to happen in the next few months. The past few have been the hardest I've ever gone through. I thought that this pregnancy would be some sort of magical time... and it is. But the reality is that I'm laying here, 21 months along, alone.... wondering if my husband, who I thought would be by my side, is gone. I don't know if he's coming back. He has nothing to say to me, and seems a million miles away... both physically and emotionally.

Dear God,

Please help me get through whatever is in store. I have prayed for an intervention. I have prayed for my husband to return. And I have prayed for my heart to soften. Now I just pray that whatever happens, you give me the strength and perseverance to handle it. I pray that my child is healthy and is born to a home that is happy and strong and loving. Even if that family is just me. I pray that whatever is going on with Aaron, that he figures it out and decides what to do... about himself, about me, and about us.

I pray that my marriage is not over... but I pray that if it is, I don't ever regret taking the risk.