I love these pictures... the fuzzy blanket pictures. My mom has these pictures with about every single kid, and I love them. She is an amazing photographer, obviously. But there's something about this blanket that just makes for a beautiful picture.

And Rae is obviously a beautiful baby. Yes, I am the most definitely partial Mother, but she is plain gorgeous. Beautiful skin, tons of hair, short and petite, and HUGE dark brown eyes.

But really, her personality is what makes this kid stand out. She's sassy - she most definitely knows what she wants and makes it very well known. She's become a bit shy - We've had a few friends over lately, and the moment Aaron or I are out of sight, she is a mess! (Secretly, I love it.) She's a "rough-house" - she LOVES being "wallered" and bounced and wrestled with. Makes me totally frantic, but I swear she gut laughs! She LOVES her Daddy - While I have to "waller" her, all he has to is giggle, or even look at her. It's sick.

Most of all, she is just darn sweet - She wakes up smiling, she is EASILY brought out of a funk, she's easy going and rarely fussy, and she snuggles up to me close when she's ready for bed. Sweet sweet sweet baby.

And check out these legs. Not even long enough to bend over the bumbo. So so funny.

Bubbles.

There's lots to say about my little mini... She talks, and talks, and talks, and talks. She wakes up happy. She loves to be "rough-housed". She has not lost an OUNCE of hair. She is snuggly and loving and so so sweet. She loves her Daddy, and listening to him laugh makes her LAUGH. She rolled at three months, and is now an expert. She loves baths, and walks, and toys.

Just an example of one of her many new discoveries - I'm so glad I got a small video of this. The bubbles have already calmed down and she's back to constant babbling and cooing. But the bubbles were quite constant for about a week. Very serious, slobbery, persistent bubble blowing. She is quite hilarious.

And some more...

She gets her point across... and yes, we thoroughly enjoy baby talk in this house. We're not ashamed of it either!

Stinky blogger.

So last week I worked for HOURS on a very well written (if I must say so myself) blog... No pics, just writing but I worked really hard on it. Then I tried to upload a video... which proved to be catastrophic. The upload took FOREVER, so I let my computer just sit and do it's thing for a few hours... When I came back, the video was still not uploaded, and formatting was screwed up. So... I tried to copy/paste to a word document... and "POOF", my blog was gone. And it's still gone.

So - this morning just trying the video. I have tons to put up here, because Rae has become SO funny and interactive. She's going to be a talker... as if that surprises anybody!!

Here is one of many... And please ignore the obnoxious dogs in the background.

http://youtu.be/gX7DT_yWQiI

We have rolls!

Little Rae... literally, very little. Yes, she was over 6 lbs at birth, but I swear I just have a muscle bound daughter, because she was TINY... Her newborn clothes were GINORMOUS, and she barely fit in her seemingly GINORMOUS carseat.

Yes, her arms are in there somewhere...

Our wonderful nurse who bossed me around and taught me how to burp, change clothes (lol), and swaddle. We loved her.

And seriously, her little legs were so skinny! They said she was a bit early, so she didn't have time to get too chubby... but I do believe I have seen some baby pics of her daddy (if I remember correctly he was wearing roller skates) where his legs looked just like this! And her pacifier is bigger than her head.

She grew pretty quickly... doctor said she's gained about an ounce a day, which is wonderful. She's in the 7-8th percentile in height... which also makes me laugh. And she's still so tiny in that big chair! This picture also makes me laugh... the kid did NOT sleep longer than 15 minutes for quite some time, unless she was being held (which was lovely but exhausting) or unless she was in the Boppy. We have 3 boppies, thanks to my Mom and Aunt Kristi. THANK GOD FOR THE BOPPIES.

We had some very brave friends make the trek from Omaha... floods and all. This is their sweet little girl, only two weeks older than Rae. She was a tiny thing too! And notice the highwater jean shorts... they are my absolute fav. Of course, even as I'm writing this (at almost 10 weeks old), she is still wearing them. I have a million cutie 0-3 month SUMMER outfits, and I swear I'll be shoving her in them in October lol.

So before I had Rae I became OBSESSED with the Baby Bargains book (Thank you Grandma Lilly!). The book has all the baby items you'll ever need, and it compares and contrasts where to get them, and which items get the best ratings, etc. Well, our chair got great ratings... it is built to last much longer than other chairs because it is so BIG and it grows along with the child. Except I didn't think about the fact that my husband was born at 5 lbs and I was a little one myself... so we swim in this chair. We sink and sink and sink until we are almost out. Very funny indeed.

We do love this chair... Rae takes after her Daddy and watches TV with us. Very funny. I swear, she is a pretty darn happy baby... She gets hungry and she doesn't like pee in her diaper, but pretty much the rest of the time she is sweet and happy and so so cute. She is smiling and laughing and squawking to herself pretty much most of the day. So fun!

And our most recent pic... Aunt Megan came over yesterday and hung out with baby Rae... fed her and played with her until she zonked. She's still tiny (hoping she's over 10 lbs now), and still very short. She's still wearing most of her newborn clothes, and I STILL love those highwater jeans shorts. BUT... we finally have rolls!

A Month of No Blogging.

One month (and one day)... My DAUGHTER is one month old! I absolutely cannot believe it. I feel like yesterday I was the VERY pregnant crabby lady who felt like she was never going to reach the finish line... the lady who decided one Thursday that she was probably going to have a baby soon and needed to work out, landscape, clean the house, ETC., so that she was ready if it actually came... and it did! One month ago I have to say I could have never imagined what my life would be like with a real PERSON to take care of... I could not imagine her hair, her nose, her lips, her cry, her personality, or the amount of pure JOY that little Raena Joy could bring to my home.

I told myself I was going to be the total baby blogger. "I'll post every day so we can remember every single moment." Hahaha... And here I am blogging a month later (5 weeks now). What can I say, we've been a little busy. :)

One month ago, this little hairy girl came into the world. She had skinny little legs, a swollen head (we had to use the vaccuum), big black/brown eyes, LONG fingernails, and I swear she was the hairiest baby ever! Raena weighed 6 lbs 8 ounces, and "supposedly" was 19.5 inches long, which we later found out was about an inch off. She was born at 9:03 AM (after only 7 real hours of intense labor, which I will give full explanation to at a later point), and had the sweetest little sad cry I've ever heard. Long story short, she was PERFECT.

Yes, very confused. What the HECK just happened to me!?! And who are you!?!

And my swollen head HURTS, thank you.

And stop poking me! I'm fine... no actually, I'm perfect!

We stayed at NKC hospital for two days, and THANK GOODNESS for that! The nurses were great and taught us a ton (such as putting on Rae's clothes in less than 10 minutes, Mommy was being way too soft and Rae was too wiggly!). We had lots of visitors and actually got some sleep... then we headed home with our little tiny girl - when we left the hospital, she was 6 lbs 2 ounces and a little shorty!

A week later, I am editing this blog... so now it has been not a month, but FIVE weeks! My little one is five weeks old. And since I STINK at blogging, here are some pics to show the huge transformation... She started off so tiny, very swollen, kind of red and blotchy, and looking like a newborn. She had skinny legs and was COVERED in hair.

Now, she's fattening up, her cheeks are getting chubbier and chubbier... she has BEAUTIFUL skin... she smiles and makes some eye contact... She makes the FUNNIEST noises, and she definitely communicates with us regularly... She looks like a beautiful beautiful five week old... and she's still COVERED in hair. :)

Week #1... Ama Kim came and helped SO much... brought another Boppy (our very favorite things), cooked and cleaned, and of course took some awesome pictures!!!

And one of my very favorites... We somehow got this picture at one week old! Already so much personality... we are in so much trouble.

And Week 2... we had tons of visitors! One of the many blessings in our very big and blended family is how much we are LOVED, especially by all our Grandmas. Some of my very favorite memories as a kid are the times I spent with my Grandmas and Great Grandmas (and Grandpas of course). How can you forget a Grandma who sits you on her lap and sings with you and plays harmonica... or a Grandma who makes you sandwiches and cuts of the crust, and banana orange juice just because it's your favorite... or a Great Grandma who whispers in your ear, "I love you very very very very much, and don't you ever forget it". That was my secret ritual with my Grandma Joy... the same Grandma Joy who miss Rae Joy is named after! Week 2... we are LOVED.

Week #3... Happy Father's Day! My husband... the man who SO badly wanted a boy (and who now thinks he's going to be "blessed" with all girls haha)... loves this little girl SO much. I have way too many things to say about this, so it needs its own post... but all I can say is I am so so lucky to be with a man who has such an ability to love... a man who changes diapers without batting an eye... who stays up all night with baby so Mommy can sleep... who happily dresses her in bows and lots of pink (has a little trouble picking out the right size, so she swims in Daddy outfits hehe)... is already so protective of his baby.... and did I mention he stays up all night so Mommy can sleep? Seriously, HAPPY HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

And Week #4... What can I say? She gets more and more beautiful every single day.

And my new favorite...

Holy Third Trimester!

So after my initial 13 weeks of pure nausea and exhaustion, I have to say I've probably had about the easiest, luckiest pregnancy in the world. As stated in the last post, the past three months have been spent cleaning, organizing, planting, painting, and pretty much doing anything I could have done NOT pregnant. Seriously, I've felt great.

I'm 33.5 weeks prego, which is almost 8.5 MONTHS!!! I can't believe it's been that long since we found out we were the most fertile people on the planet... considering it took about 2.5 weeks to get knocked up. We have had a "bit" of trauma since those 7+ pregnancy tests... but we made it. And seriously, we only have 6 weeks left... It's really hitting home, I am going to be a mom!

Even for someone with little to no complications, I think that the third trimester has to be the most uncomfortable (and exciting) thing EVER. Seriously, I'm not sure my belly can get much bigger without my skin literally ripping.... I can't tell if my back hurts or if my daughter is kicking me THROUGH my ribs... Tying my shoes has become one of the most difficult tasks of my day... My bed is now a mess of very large pillows piled around and even on me, just so I can maybe get "some" sleep... and I've actually had a few contractions (probably not even bad ones), that caused my life to flash before my eyes.

I think this home stretch of "fun" is seriously necessary, because I was beginning to get used to being pregnant... I've been feeling her kick and squirm for a few months, but I honestly have gotten accustomed to being pregnant, and probably forgotten some of the reality of what's ahead. The ultimate outcome of this huge distended belly is not a belly... it's a baby! We are about to meet a little person that is a combination of both of us. It simply amazes me.

And because of all my uncomfort, I am ready... or getting there. Birth shows are now interesting... I'm more obsessed with breast pump tubes and nipple cream than organizing closets or even cutie baby clothes... Our birth and post birth classes are scheduled... prego pics (and not those weird naked ones) are this weekend... and best of all, Mommy is VERY ready for maternity leave! Oh yeah... and did I mention we got a puppy? Well, we got a puppy... and I'm so freaking maternal, I'm surprised I haven't actually tried to burp her. I am READY!

Miss Rae Joy, I absolutely can't wait to meet you!

Love,

Mommy

Waiting. Cleaning. Eating Donuts. And Nesting!!!!

They tell you about it on the blogs and in the articles... women talk about cleaning out closets, spring cleaning, organizing drawers, etc., and that it's some sort of "need" that pregnant women have as they get closer to the end of their pregnancies.

Well I have it... whatever you call it, the "disease" or "need" or "infatuation" or "obsession"... Whatever it is, I have been in the nesting phase for at LEAST a month.

Now I am not a fan of Spring Cleaning... or frankly, cleaning for that matter. Someday if I get a big fat commission check I will probably need to hire someone to come sanitize and dust my house every other week or so. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE organizing, rearranging, building, painting, and I have done plenty of that!

The basement has been cleaned out (and messed up again dangit). The living room is painted. Several closets have been cleaned. Drawers have been sifted through and junk has been thrown away. Master bedroom is rearranged AND painted (Yes, the pregnant lady has been fairly active and moved a teeny tiny bit of furniture by herself. BUT she did it very slowly and carefully and took plenty of potty and snack breaks. And Rae is just fine. And honestly, physical activity has been a much better stress reliever than Zoloft.).

And I've had the paint for the baby room picked out and ready to go for SEVERAL weeks... we're doing a deep chocolate brown, with maybe a purple wall or two. It's going to be zebra zebra zebra. And adult zebra, not kiddy zebra. I love stuffed animals, but I want her room to be "classy chic" and crisp looking with some baby "stuff"...

For some reason I keep delaying the baby room... It's almost like I feel like if I start on it, I'll never want to do the rest of the 9 million projects I currently feel like I "have" to do before baby arrives (that includes an almost complete kitchen remodel, very cheaply done of course but HGTV beautiful!). And yes, we have been a "bit" stressed in this household lately... not so sure painting the baby room would have been the most fun experience, and I WANT it to be fun.

But I think we are ready. The crib is here. Rae is kicking away. Daddy is bringing home donuts for breakfast every day (It's such a wonderful gesture, but he doesn't seem to remember that he's not the one who suffers from stretch marks, Mommy is), and Mommy is getting more and more excited every single day.

If this pregnancy has taught me anything (and all the events that have transpired along the way), it's that I am not in control and I don't need to be. Rae is going to do her thing and cause me cramps and aches and queeziness... and she'll be here on her own time. Life is going to stress me out and push me to my limit and make me cry out for help, and there's really nothing I can do about it, but get STRONGER... God is going to force me to lean on Him whether I would really like to or not... and everything is going to be okay.

So, as random as this post is... I'm still here. Waiting, surrendering, praying, LAUGHING and smiling, feeling for kicks, drinking coffee (half decaf), eating donuts, cleaning (some), and NESTING NESTING NESTING.

Pics to come!

Rae.

Raena Joy Clark... My precious sweet little GIRL (Yes, they verified again at the latest ultrasound that she is a girl). I can't wait to meet her and get to know her and watch her grow. I already know she's going to be a wild thing... the 2nd ultrasound we had, she would NOT stay still and they could barely get her measurements taken. I can't believe it's only going to be a few short months, and then she will be here. It's been really hard for me to picture her or even picture myself really being a mom. But I think I'm finally coming around... Claire Francis has been my only child (and a wonderful one) for so long, so I'm excited to bring another little chunk of fun to our family! :)


So... here is what I know about Miss Raena Joy so far:


1) She must be something special, because she put enough hormones in my body at the beginning for the doctor to wonder if I was having twins... and almost made me want to barf up my breakfast for about 10 solid weeks!


2) So far, she loves cheese, orange juice, bananas, sushi (yes, it's cooked), soy sauce, peanut butter, and oranges... at least it's not straight candy right?!? Oh, and leftover pizza, she never complains about that.


3) I think bananas and peanut butter are her favorite... I eat them, and she goes NUTSO in my belly.


4) She consumes everything I put in my body. Never in my life have I been able to basically eat whatever I want, including ENTIRE boxes of macaroni and cheese without immediately putting on 5 lbs. But this little munchkin sucks me dry. Yes, I have been stressed, but she is a hog.


5) She is totally going to love her baby room... No, she didn't tell me that obviously. But she is way more mature than most babies and does not want balloons or bubbles or sheep. She wants deep rich adult colors with some baby "stuff". Haha, or maybe that's what Mommy wants.


6) She is a tough little cookie. I have put her through a lot of crap... even though I try my very best to be a good "pregnant lady", I think she is probably in there saying, "Mom, slow the heck down!" I have drank a little coffee... eaten some Subway sandwiches (both of which my doctor said are fine, thank you)... moved some furniture... shoveled snow (okay, that was a bad idea)... and been totally totally stressed out for most of the past three months. And still she is just in her little cocoon hanging out waiting for bananas and peanut butter. I'm already proud of my girl.

Hopefully I will know more soon! Can't wait to meet you, Rae!


Love,
Proud Momma

Risks.

Meeting new people... showing vulnerability... falling in love... saying "those" words... getting married... having babies... Seems like these are the things in life I've most looked forward to, and yet feared the most as well. All of these are huge risks, ones that people take because they think, that at the end of the day, the risk is worth it.

I have taken all those risks. I met someone a few years ago who I immediately had a connection with and immediately opened up my heart for. I fell in love quickly and had no trouble telling him. We ran away and got married and then struggled through almost a year of distance... all because we both felt like it was worth it.

And now I'm having a baby. I'm 21 weeks along, over halfway! I'm scared and nervous and so excited... getting pregnant was a huge risk. But it is worth it.

I have no idea what's going to happen in the next few months. The past few have been the hardest I've ever gone through. I thought that this pregnancy would be some sort of magical time... and it is. But the reality is that I'm laying here, 21 months along, alone.... wondering if my husband, who I thought would be by my side, is gone. I don't know if he's coming back. He has nothing to say to me, and seems a million miles away... both physically and emotionally.

Dear God,

Please help me get through whatever is in store. I have prayed for an intervention. I have prayed for my husband to return. And I have prayed for my heart to soften. Now I just pray that whatever happens, you give me the strength and perseverance to handle it. I pray that my child is healthy and is born to a home that is happy and strong and loving. Even if that family is just me. I pray that whatever is going on with Aaron, that he figures it out and decides what to do... about himself, about me, and about us.

I pray that my marriage is not over... but I pray that if it is, I don't ever regret taking the risk.